Don’t catch these diseases

I am constantly amazed as to how doctors keep coming up with names for new illnesses, tags for new diseases or syndromes. And I’m also amazed when people who are given these new names, feel better having a tag for their condition.

I guess it’s to do with the fact that people want to be recognized as having a known predicament and a cure won’t be far away.

Let me introduce you to 2 diseases recently recognised by sales doctors. TWT’ering and TWL’ing. And I’ll also tell you two cures that can help you fight these conditions.

They are thinking whilst talking (TWT) and thinking whilst listening (TWL).

The symptoms are not really listening to what’s being said, ignoring what the other person is saying, being too product centred, worrying about what question they’re going to say next or what they are going to do next. The general condition is that they are just waiting to chip in, to interrupt, say something because they’ve heard it all before.

Advanced TWT’ering means they waffle, go through the same phrases and descriptions, sound bored and have a very monotone voice. TWL’ers multitask whilst listening to you.  You can spot one with the feint keyboard tapping in the background whilst on the phone.

Some people with the disease at advanced levels have been able to hide it very effectively by using dated active listening techniques like giving eye contact and nodding after every sentence that they’ve heard and because they’ve been there before, heard it before, they know the answer and solution so just wait to deliver this.

In latter stages of the disease, they begin to treat their role as mundane, uneventful and unexciting and leave despondent.

I’m exaggerating or am I?

The cure?  Take these placebo tablets 3 times a day for 21 days and you’ll be cured. The secret ingredients of the tablets are:

A drug to make you stop thinking whilst listening and talking, this drug also helps you to be in the moment with the customer, to hear every word they’re uttering and to savour the real meaning of these. The second ingredient helps you to just be there for the customer, to really appreciate them and the third prevents you from interrupting, asking another question and makes you summarise the customer and ask if they’ve heard correctly.

It’s an amazing drug. At least you know what the disease is called so you can seek out help in curing your TWT’ering and TWL’ing.