Emotional Scars

All siblings fight don’t they? Especially brothers, and my brother and I were no exception. At one point I threw a garden fork at my brother, like a spear, and it pierced the skin between his thumb and forefinger.

43 years’ later he showed it to me to further enhance my guilt. He has a small piece of vulnerable skin, scar tissue.

Physical scars are a result of an injury to the body; emotional scars are a result of an injury to the mind or self esteem.  Same thing really.

Emotional scars are created by something happening in the past, which is then reinforced over the years to make it a scar. For example, your first job may have involved some negative feedback on your performance such as being awful on the phone prospecting for new business. Over the years, this is toughened with other events to produce an emotional scar.

So your sales manager asks you to start making more calls to drum up some new business. “Whoarr, hold on boss, I remember what happened last time I did that, I failed. I have history on that score, I can’t do it”

An emotional scar has formed – vulnerability and a damaged self esteem.

Here are two ideas if you find yourself with an emotional scar.

  • Firstly, try to break the connection between the original event and now, the history. Tell yourself that now is different, stop beating yourself up.
  • Secondly, get a halo to complement the Gremlin on your shoulder. The Gremlin is well aware of your emotional scars and will remind you and cement your negative feelings. Get Halo or Cheerleader for your other shoulder and empower them to contradict the Gremlin. Let them ask you “Is it always the case that you fail at prospecting?” “Unquestionably true?” “Has there ever been a time when you have been successful?”

That’ll help you break the connection and heal the emotional scar.

I don’t think my brother will let his scar heel, he relished last Christmas when he described to my three horrified children in vivid detail how his younger brother almost ended his life on that building site in 1969.  Shame on you Mr Archer.